Mentoring Program

Flight of the Swan

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A happy song, yet a little sad.
Grade Level: 6
Intended For: Live Instrument Performance
Software Used: Noteflight
Instrumentation: Violin, Viola, and Cello
Key: Key of G
Meter Signature: 4/4
Tempo: 120
Status: Work in Progress
Noteflight URL: Website Title
Located in: Opus 32 grades 6-8

Comments   

#17 Rebecca Larkin 2017-04-07 12:01
Hi Jonah,

Thank you for submitting to Opus 32. Although your piece was not selected this year, I encourage you to continue writing and submit another piece in the near future.

I have enjoyed mentoring you, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work!

Best wishes,
Rebecca
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#16 Jonah Sayler 2017-03-29 20:57
I made the changes you suggested and I think I am ready to submit the piece. Thank you for being my mentor. The Opus Program has been very fun and I am most likely going to do it next year.
Thank you!
Jonah S.
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#15 Rebecca Larkin 2017-03-29 13:09
Hi Jonah,

Good work!

Here are a some comments:

1) The gliss at measure 13 is a nice idea, but you've forgotten that you had the bass player doing pizz. If you turn it into a quarter note glissando on beat 4 (marking arco) and a pizzicato quarter note on beat 3, it is still possible, though.

2) Try adding staccato marks to those two eighth notes that used to be pizz on the last beat of measure 8. That way, they can be bowed and short.

3) Any arco or pizz markings should be above the notes, not underneath them. Also, I think you'll find you've written an extra arco in measure 7 (because you decided not to use pizz in measure 6)

4) Every time you have the idea from measure two (the one with the sixteenth notes separated by rests), it would be more clean and easier for the performer to read if you used staccato eighth notes instead, and it will sound exactly the same. Please re-notate measures 2, 3, 15, and 16.

Once you've made these changes, I think you're in good shape for Opus. Of course, if you want more feedback from me between now and the deadline, feel free to post.

Best,
Rebecca
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#14 Jonah Sayler 2017-03-29 09:19
Hi Rebecca, this is Jonah. I think I am pretty close to being finished. I have made the following changes. In M. 3 I changed the first and second notes. I changed the dynamic marks at the beginning. I made measures 7,8 echo 5 and 6. In m. 9 I changed the dynamic markings to Mezzo Forte. In M. 14 I added a gliss. from low E to high E to represent the swan taking off. Do you have any last minute thoughts before I submit my final score? Thank you.
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#13 Jonah Sayler 2017-03-27 16:06
I changed the bass line in m. 12 (B section). I used G and B like you suggested. I also changed m. 17 by adding viola to it. I also made the violin notes longer in m. 17. And, at the very end of the piece, I added one last viola note (pizzicato) to end the piece. I also changed the pizzicato in m. 6, but I may just delete those two notes.
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#12 Jonah Sayler 2017-03-27 14:24
Rebecca, thank you for your suggestions. I took out the pizzicato and we changed the bass line in the B section using the G B as you said in m. 12 but only on the beats on m. 12 as I found other notes that worked on
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#11 Rebecca Larkin 2017-03-27 00:21
Hi Jonah,

Nice work! Here are a couple comments:

1) Your pizz in measure 6 sounds nice on the MIDI, but won't be possible with a real performer. You don't give the performer enough time to switch positions at the tempo you've written. If you wanted to change the pizz rhythm from two eighth notes to a quarter note it might be possible, but it would still be a quick change.

2) I suggest making the following changes to your bass line in the B section: 1. Change your G on the third beat of measure 10 to an F-sharp. 2. Invert the pattern you have at measure 11 (so now it is B - G - G - B) 3. Change measure 12 to B - G - G - B.

Good work! Make these changes, and then we can focus on polishing this up before the Opus deadline on Thursday. Be sure to let me know if you have any questions.

Best,
Rebecca
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#10 Jonah Sayler 2017-03-23 17:33
I have just finish my B section. I am just about to start on your other suggestions.
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#9 Jonah Sayler 2017-03-23 14:22
I am working on a B section on m. 9. On every D, I will have a sharp. I changed m. 3 and m.12 to have harmony.
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#8 Rebecca Larkin 2017-03-23 13:01
Hi Jonah,

Just a friendly reminder that the Opus deadline is in a week!

Hope to hear from you soon,
Rebecca
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