Mentoring Program

Atara- Opus 33

Composer Name: Atara Metzger
I wrote this piece for piano. My key note is C and the time signature is 4/4. I am looking for feedback about how to change some of the notes in the bass clef part to sound better with the other part. I also want feedback about the rhythm in measure nine that sounds weird.
Grade Level: 5
Intended For: Live Instrument Performance
Software Used: Noteflight
Instrumentation: Piano
Key: C major
Meter Signature: 4/4
Tempo: 120
Status: Work in Progress
Noteflight URL: Website Title
Located in: Opus 33 Grades 2-5

Comments   

#6 Atara Metzger 2018-02-22 14:38
Hi Rebecca,
Thanks so much for the edvice!
I really like how it sounds!
I tried to make the bass clef simple and I think it works.
Do you think I can continue writing my peice?
Atara
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#5 Rebecca Larkin 2018-02-21 01:40
Hi Atara,

Good work! Let's move on from the first 8 measures for now.

You've already mentioned that you think measure 9 sounds weird. I like the syncopation you have in the right hand there, but your left hand part is unnecessarily complicated. Try writing a completely new left hand part for measure 9 that is on the beat and uses quarter and/or eighth notes.

This next section (after m. 8) is a good opportunity to take ideas from what you've already written and expand them. I suggest beginning to use some sixteenth notes in addition to your quarters and eighths and write a long sentence. Maybe the person is now talking about something they are happy about and excited to share with you. Using a variation on your melody, convey that excitement.

Does that make sense? Let me know if you have any questions!

Best,
Rebecca
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#4 Atara Metzger 2018-02-15 14:31
Hi Rebecca,

Thanks again for the suggestions! My teacher said the same exact thing about a conversation! It makes a lot of sense to me.

I changed m. 8 to sound like a "period," and i think it sounds a lot better.

I changed some notes in the syncopations to simplify a bit, and made the bass line more simple.

I also decided to copy and paste the first two bars to bars 5 and 6 because my teacher said that the whole song doesn't always have to be new notes.

Do you think we could move on past measure 8 now?

Thanks Atara
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#3 Rebecca Larkin 2018-02-14 02:30
Hi Atara,

I'm glad you like the change in m. 4. Another suggestion that I think will help your first 8 bars is to think of your music as a conversation. Consider your first four bars as one person speaking a sentence and think of the next four (mm. 5-8) as another person responding with a sentence.

Your first four measures are good for now, so let's leave them alone, but try altering mm. 5-8 so that they sound like a sentence. In order for this to work, there needs to be a "period" at the end of m. 8. Your fourth measure already sounds like a period because beat three has a stable triad (G,B,D) and beat four has a G in the bass.

I suggest reworking mm. 5-8 so that m. 8 ends in a C major chord (C,E,G) with C in the bass. For mm.5-7, make changes as needed, or rewrite them if you would like. I can provide more suggestions if your notes still sound weird.

Give that a try and let me know how it goes!

Best,
Rebecca
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#2 Atara Metzger 2018-02-08 14:08
Hi Rebecca,

Thank you for the little change that you gave me in m. 4, it was really nice.

I think that I like the 4th measure the best so far. My least favorite part of the first 8 measures is the 7th measure, because I think the notes sound weird.

Atara
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#1 Rebecca Larkin 2018-02-05 18:57
Hi Atara,

My name is Rebecca and I'll be your mentor for Op. 33.

You've got a lot of material here to start working with, and I'm glad to see that you've noticed that not all of your notes work together yet. Don't worry. We can fix it!

So, how about we start by identifying which sections we like and which ones we don't like as much? Since you've already mentioned that measure nine is weird, let's just look at measures 1-8 for now.

I really like measures 1-2. Especially the right hand (bass clef) part. That sounds like the beginning of a melody to me.

Here's a suggestion: Try changing beat three of measure 4 in the right hand to a D instead of an E and change beat four to a G and see you how like that.

So, what parts of measures 1-8 do you like best and which do you like least?

You've got a great start and I'm looking forward to working with you! Let me know what you think of my suggestions, and definitely ask me any questions.

Best,
Rebecca
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