Mentoring Program

The Bumblebee Flower

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I would like help on the beginning, it's kind of boring but I like the surprise. I want professional help for smart, helpful suggestions. It's about spring, where a bunch of bumblebees are on a flower, and a bird swoops in.
Grade Level: 5
Intended For: Live Instrument Performance
Software Used: Noteflight
Instrumentation: Piano and Flute
Key: C
Meter Signature: 4/4
Tempo: 120
Status: Work in Progress
Noteflight URL: Website Title

Comments   

#11 Erik Nielsen 2017-04-03 15:02
Dear Emily,
Thanks for entering your piece for Opus 32. Unfortunately, it was not chosen for performance. However, I congratulate you on the work you put into it. I enjoyed mentoring you on it, and encourage you to keep composing. I look forward to seeing more work from you in the future.

Best wishes,
Erik
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#10 Erik Nielsen 2017-03-30 10:33
Dear Emily,
Thanks for re-posting so quickly and for taking care of the multiple notes in flute and for increasing the number of dynamic marks.
Congratulations on your work on this piece. I'm glad you've learned more about the composition process and I look forward to working with you more in the future also.

Best wishes,
Erik
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#9 Emily Hawkins 2017-03-29 18:09
Here's my revision link

https://mflms-rcpsvt.learning.noteflight.com/scores/view/6f0d0b0fc8b0994a15de552dcd925211c52474d4
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#8 Emily Hawkins 2017-03-29 18:08
Thank you Mr. Nielson. I appreciate your feedback and input. It has helped me learn how to compose music. I've enjoyed this experience and look forward to your mentoring in the future.

Best Regards,
Emily
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#7 Erik Nielsen 2017-03-29 16:40
Dear Emily,
Thanks for posting the first revision of your duet for flute and piano. You've certainly added to your lively piece and I congratulate you on your hard work.
Since the deadline is tomorrow (Thursday the 30th), I'll keep my comments simple with only a single suggestion: flutes can't play chords, so you'll have to choose a single note out of the two- or three-note chords in the flute part in bars 2, 8, 11, 14 and 17. If you have time beyond that, I'd suggest you put in some dynamic marks.
Emily, I hope you get a chance to work on this some more, but if not, I've enjoyed mentoring you.

Best wishes,
Erik
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#6 Emily Hawkins 2017-03-29 15:56
https://mflms-rcpsvt.learning.noteflight.com/scores/view/6f0d0b0fc8b0994a15de552dcd925211c52474d4
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#5 Erik Nielsen 2017-03-22 15:06
Dear Emily,
I know you and your classmates have just gotten started on your work, but I need to let you know that final versions of Opus 32 works are due by midnight next Thursday, March 30. Please let me know if you have questions. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best wishes,
Erik
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#4 Kathy Luzader 2017-03-16 21:40
Hi Emily,
Nice to read your comment. Please remember to include a link to your revised piece in your next comment- Thanks!
Mrs. Luzader
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#3 Emily Hawkins 2017-03-16 16:40
Mr. Nielson,
Thank you for your advice. Your ideas and suggestions were very helpful. They will help me when I make my revisions.

Speak to you soon, thanks again,
Emily Hawkins
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#2 Erik Nielsen 2017-03-14 14:33
Dear Emily,
Thanks for posting the first version of your duet for flute and piano. I will be your primary mentor for this work. You have a very lively start to your piece, and I can envision lots of activity around a flower from the music you've written so far.
Having said that, I have two comments for you.
1. What you've written will be difficult to play, with its sudden leaps, including the flute note in bar 11 that's impossible to play. The piece needs more "glue" (see #2).
2. Your piece needs a melody, a tune that centers on C, uses more steps than skips (so it's singable; have you tried singing this?), some rhythmic patterns that repeat (two eighth notes followed by two quarter notes, repeated at various times, for example), fewer stops and starts, and a shape that isn't all "peaks and valleys" (sudden very jagged ups and downs).
Emily, what I've written above is my best advice for you to follow to try to create a piece that will tell your story. Please let me know if you have questions. I look forward to seeing your first revision.

Best wishes,
Erik Nielsen
Senior Mentor
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